Critical mistakes in a relationship – Being in a relationship has its share of challenges! No one is perfect, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we have all made mistakes in our relationships.
But we can certainly learn from each of our stories and try to stop messing around with the same stuff every time!
Here are 4 mistakes that we spend our time reproducing (you have no idea how many times I made them before understanding!) And which harms your relationship.
1. Answer “nothing” to the question “why are you angry, what’s wrong?”
Perhaps one of the most irritating things of all time haha.
Just be honest! Enough with the games. Honesty is one of the main keys in a relationship, along with that of… communication.
Some problems or insults can seem so blatant that it is hard to think they are not. Sometimes you just can’t imagine your partner not realizing that they’ve done something wrong.
So, rather than discussing the issue, you stay silent and sulk that he doesn’t seem to care about your anger. And when he finally realizes that there is a problem and asks you what is wrong, you will answer “nothing” because you are still angry and want to avoid the problem.
But playing the ostrich won’t help. On the contrary!
Either you stay angry and resentful, or you move on and sweep the unresolved issue under the rug … which gives it the opportunity to come days, weeks, or months later with even more force.
Arguing is not how most of us want to spend our time, but the ostrich technique will cause problems to pile up and multiply.
It will eventually end in an explosive argument or break up, leaving the other person in awe of what went wrong.
Repeat after me: trust and communication!
2. React under the influence of emotion
This error is, in my case, the most difficult not to repeat.
I am a very emotional and sensitive person who likes to openly express my feelings, positive or negative, as soon as I feel them. I also live a lot in my head and often contemplate the worst.
So I tend to tell my darling right away when I’m upset.
Sometimes that’s a good thing, but most of the time I’m making assumptions about what happened and not asking for confirmation from the principal, reacting to my assumptions and potentially not to reality.
A stupid example of how to react better: one day, we were watching TV together and he suddenly received a notification on Messenger, on his phone. I couldn’t help but take a quick look at it and saw that it was an ex.
Unlike usual, I resisted the urge to say something to him. I took a deep breath and decided to give it a night before asking for an explanation.
The next morning he told me about the message himself.
Read also – How to save relationship.
By taking a step back, I had avoided a totally unnecessary argument, born of emotion and unfounded assumptions.
3. Don’t make your partner your whole life
If you spend every moment of your life with your other half, you will ultimately lose who you are as an individual.
You will find yourself consulting this person for every little decision you want to make, suffering from anxiety when you are alone.
That’s why you absolutely must take the time to do what you love too.
Have your own hobbies, interests, and friends. You don’t have to do everything together or do everything for your partner.
Have your own opinions and create your own experiences!
Do not lose your identity or your independence; for obvious reasons but also because you want to remain interesting for your darling. And also for yourself.
You will both benefit and thus have a richer and more fulfilled life.
That said, if your partner wants your world to revolve around him, it could be a sign that he’s a narcissist, be careful.
4. Assume your partner will change
Let’s get right to the point: your guy won’t change.
Many people confuse the concept of compromise with that of change.
Whereas change implies that one person asks the other to be someone they are not, which is impossible.
You cannot change the essence of others.
This doesn’t mean that you have to love all the boring little things about your partner (this is also impossible) but rather that you have to accept the fact that the one you are with now is the one you will be with forever, flaws and all-inclusive.
My darling says what he thinks and I am excessively sensitive. We both accepted this difference and grew to see it as a positive.
Her frankness is the result of her genuine and honest nature, something that I would never want to see changed. My sensitivity means that he can count on me to understand his moods, to comfort him, and to support him no matter what.
If you are unhappy in your relationship or if your partner’s default is non-negotiable (for example, you want kids and he doesn’t), no arguing, arguing, or time will change that.
But if you’re happy, and your partner’s flaw is something you can live with, focus on how that difference could actually be a blessing in disguise.
Maybe you just found out that you are making some of these common mistakes. It’s good!
Act now to correct the situation. And if you’re having a hard time breaking bad habits on your own, ask for help. It could be your friends like your boyfriend himself or a therapist.
Either way, feel free to question yourself in some cases, it might help you hone your skills and change your negative patterns so that you can enjoy the best relationship possible.
And that’s kind of what we all aspire to, right?